Hot Within Me

My heart grew hot within me,

and as I meditated, the fire burned.

-Psalm 39:3

 

I have been hiding something. A presence so consuming, so encompassing, I’ve fought time and time again to conceal it. Something I have truly been suppressing, no matter how much I've danced about it on some semblance of a floor. Truly.

Something spectacular is rising up within me.  And there is no other way about it.

There is something inside of me that cannot stay hidden, cannot stay sleeping. And I think this realization has become a break between my old, frail life since the beginning of this year and what is to come, what I am imploring to explode into the sky of my eyes.

I think that it is time. Once and for all.

God has woven words into my being, through the fabric of my soul and settled into the sea of my heart. I cannot let them bob around and slowly sink. I owe it to Him to do something with who He has made me to be. I must not be silent.

This feeling is so strong right now, I taste its ink-splashed texture in my veins. 

Which reminds me.

There is something you should know.

We are more powerful than we think. More powerful than we can imagine and fully realize.

I think God put His Spirit into us so we can take this power and wield it to what we are meant to use it for. To blaze God's name into the night, lit and lasting, in our own, beautiful, terrifying way.

I know you might be feeling a lot of nothing right now. Ashen and full of fading embers, even. But I hope that the flame inside decides to burn once more. That your heart grows hot with the sweet smoke of hope that catches fire and burns. And that you nurture and kindle it so masterfully that it cannot be contained into the corner it has found its way into. You are already rising. I feel it in my bones. And I know you can feel it, too, uncomfortable under your skin. Scratching its way to the surface.

Let it out. Who knows the heat to which it will blaze.

 

Prayer:

Lord, You have placed a specific passion and desire within me. You have created it to be of good use, to proclaim Your splendor. Though I am timid and feel unworthy of such a gift, it is mine all the same and You want me to be bold and brave and breathlessly take hold of it. Please give me strength to take up such a task, and let me lean on You to set this side of me on fire. Amen..