Break Me Open

Answer me when I call to you,

O my righteous God.

Give me relief from my distress;

Be merciful to me and hear my prayer.

-Psalm 4:1

My heart is not meant to be boxed in.

Yet here it lies, crumpled in to four sides of simple space and compacted into complacency. Iron clad, kept in a darkness so suffocating were it to see the sun my heart would reel and writhe against the goodness. No room to move, no gap to grow. Just tight, constricting beats that breathe in slow, small gasps. It is imprisoned by my own insecurity.

Lord, help me. Somehow. Please. Break me open. Pull back the shades I’ve kept shadowed in my heart. Let my weakness be exposed, help my heart to speak of Your significance.

            I am crumbling in the driest parts of my soul. I am stained by my stagnant hopes, distant dreams. I have been beaten by my brittle belief, content to be contained. Slowly, I am shriveling.

            But You are strong. Your glory grows and gathers through the ends of the earth. If You are for me, who can ever bring me down?

            Help my trembling, tiny self to see the immense strength You possess. Drag the doubt out of my head and send it spiraling into the abyss. For You long for my life to be lived in full. And I long for that, too, hidden in the soft spots of my hope. I cannot come back to my potential without Your power.

            Shine Your light into my eyes. Set Your smile upon my lips and let my words be spoken with sweetness that smells of You. You are able to do a mighty work in my meager self. Fill me, Lord. I am on empty and longing for life.

 

Prayer:

Lord, I see my failings and want them corrected. My heart wants to grow in all that You have groomed for me, yet my confidence is delicate. Lead me in strength and determination, heal my hope and let me long to gather Your promises in my arms and carry them to something spectacular. In Jesus’ name, amen.