Words

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

-Hebrews 12:2

            For the first time in a lifetime, I feel like I don’t have words. Words to speak, words to breathe, words to inspire me. I know that if I try to dig up and uncover what it is I’m really trying to say, I will find everything I’ve ever longed for, ever dreamed of, my highest hopes and my brightest belief. But I leave it all buried where I left it, because at this point in time it hurts my heart too much to think of.

             Sometimes I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle. So much brokenness. So many hurting hearts. I dare to encourage, and it turns around and slaps me in my face. Sometime I feel too much. Sometimes I don’t feel enough. Our hearts are fragile beings; they have a life of their own and are constantly pulling towards the light, over and over again, even when they’ve been pushed down into darkness. No matter the pain, there is always that one ounce of strength holding us up.

            It’s the desire to finally get it right, to make sense of life and restore our wounds with a saving salve. Because we were not made to break. We were designed to be whole, fully satisfied, fully attached to the One who called us to creation. Sin slipped in, struck down our perfection and left us searching for the promise that we are not lost. That we are meant to be lifted up once more.

            There are more words to be written. Each and every day, every hour, new sentences are forming. And in the letters, hope is strung between the spaces. Because without hope, we are just filling space on earth. Without hope, I am just a shadow passing through this life. I want form. I want a voice. And I want it to ring clearly, and certainly, to raise up my King, the One who was, Who is, and Who is yet to come. Because through Him all things were made, and though my words fail me at the moment, He will make them pour from my mouth again. We will all get it right again, we will be made whole, if we trust and seek the Lord, the author and perfecter of our faith, who gave Himself so we may once again dance in light.

Prayer:

Lord, I am breathless at best. Words fail me, motivation slips away from me, but I know that You are with me and You are doing something that I cannot see. So I will continue to fix my eyes upon You, to see to my needs each day and my dreams each night. You are good, You are in control. And You are doing something wonderful. Amen.