One of These Days

What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?

-Mark 8:36

One of these days, I’m going to get it right. I’m going to say the right things, I’m going to wear the right clothes, I’m going to be just enough and catch someone’s stare. One of these days I’m going to think before I speak, watch how I walk, and remember to be poised, shy and graceful. That’s how I’m expected to be, how I must be perceived. Because the woman with her head up and the spring in her step gains the most opportunity and attraction, and the world pools around her manicured fingertips.

            I’m a little rough around the edges, a little blunt and brash and wear a little too much plaid. So what? It can be fixed. I can be remedied. I am a fast learner and can be trained to turn heads. It may feel a bit awkward, and my heart may knock around my ribcage with uncertainty, but if I forge ahead, ignore my conscious and squelch my soul, maybe then I’ll be noticed. Maybe then, I will feel wanted and witty and every morsel that my deepest dreams can only conjure up. I will finally have a voice and a vision.

            Or will I?

            What will I gain gaining the whole world while losing my soul? While losing the nuances and nit-picky traits that make me, me? Yes, I want to be known, I want to be chosen and whispered about when I walk down the street. I may crave that in the shadows of my daydreams, but I don’t really need to. I’m already worth eternity in the eyes of my Beloved.

            There is a man who always loves me. Who always thinks nothing but the very best of my very worst and proudly shows me off to all of His friends. Jesus sees me, the whole of me, the crooked and crazy pieces that somehow fit together and create my being. He knows every detail of my skin, every freckle, every scar, and before I even took one ragged breath from my lungs, He chose me. Knowing who I was, knowing what I would do. Knowing that I would end up hurting Him. But He brought me to life, anyway. And as I timidly move through crowds, head down and fingers crossed, He turns to His angels and whispers to them, “See that one there? The one with the cute flyaway hair and wrinkled, plaid shirt? That’s HER. That’s the one I’ve been telling you about! Isn’t she beautiful?” And the angels murmur among each other, swiftly nodding their heads in agreement.

            I have all of heaven looking upon me in wonder. Why in the world would I want to be looking anywhere else for my worth?

            One of these days I’m going to remember Who gives me my grace. One of these days I’m going to glow with it. Maybe, one of these days is today.

Prayer:

Beautiful Beloved, thank You that You have seen me, all of me, in my good and bad days, and still love me completely. Thank You that You think I am perfect the way I am, and that nothing else on this earth can compare with Your love. Help me remember this when I get down about the world’s eyes, and let me look through Yours instead. Amen.