Have Mercy

Have mercy on me, O Lord,

For I call to You all day long.

-Psalm 86:3

 

            Lord on high, how could You stoop to hold someone so lowly in Your arms? How could You smell the filth and sin on me and breathe as if the air was filled with fragrance sweet and smooth? How can You look upon my downcast eyes and will them to raise up and see the sky above me?

            I am a stream of swaying currents, never steadying my course, never settling into a constant, calm flow. I am that bull in the china shop. I shatter all the delicate plates piled with trust and hope and happiness I touch. When I pray to be Your light, I snuff out that lamp my first chance to show how You can shine. I am reminded again and again of my failures, and how they will always be my downfall.

            How can You still see me and not be sick of me? How can I learn to stand without my strength? Why must You feel so far away when I know I’m resting upon Your shoulders?

            You say You will raise me to new heights. Yet how can I fly when my wings lay broken in the valley? I am a thorn. You are a thriving garden, punctured by my pain.

            Prune me. Show me that my shame will somehow grant me grace and bring my weary limbs to fertile soil. Have mercy on me, my God, my Refuge. Have mercy on such a tainted, trembling heart as mine.

 

Prayer:

Lord, I am low. Lift me to You. Wrap me in Your grace and gift me with Your presence. I am longing for You. Amen.