Stick with Me

Yet I am poor and needy;

Come quickly to me, O God,

You are my help and my deliverer;

O Lord, do not delay.

-Psalm 70:5

You are trapped.

I can feel it in your deepest spaces. You crave to be better, to live with certain promise and bathe in the beauty that blooms in your heart. But you fight it.

You fight Me.

And all I can give you. All I can cleanse you from, all I can color into your monochrome existence. And so you run. Down dark alleys of appreciation that soon choke you and demand you pay for the attention. To the terrors that hunt and hurt, that demand you give more and more of yourself to the pain that dwells within, poised to hold you accountable for every scratch, every guilt, every defiance to the hope I harbor for you.

My love, please don’t disappoint Me. Please don’t discard Me for the pleasures that pass, for the fantasies that fade and whims that are wiped away by shame and sulking.

            Do you not think I am enough? That My strength is not enough force to get you through? That My grace does not feel fresh against your face, soothing to your soul?

            Beloved, I am enchanted by you. Why can you not be content to stick with Me? Every night you pass Me up for noise and nothingness and the disillusion that what I offer holds nothing you desire. I am a jealous lover, letting no one come between Me and you. I have moved mountains and clashed with death at Calvary for you. Your breath has always been on My lips. My heart has always been imbedded with yours. You just choose to chase the tail of temptation.

            Come back to Me, My dear one. You are sick with sin and lost with loneliness. When you are hidden in the shadows of your suffering, Whose hand is it that holds yours? Is it not Mine? Are you not firmly nestled in My grasp? I have given you My word that I will never let you go. Why do you pretend that this time, somehow, you have finally managed to slip away and lose My love? Do you not desire My devotion? It is yours to take; I will not reel it in and let it loose among another more deserving. For it is in My great compassion that I reach for you, and my most fervent hope that you realize I am here and ready for My love to comfort and console you.

 

Prayer:

Beloved Lord, how feeble is my devotion. I am wrapped in Your warmth a thousand times over, and yet again and again each time I stray from You and seek after my own desires. I am surrounded by a thousand sins, yet it is Your promise to wash each and every one away from my soul. Help me to fall back to You, to fall back into Your love and let it cover me with a promise of hope anew. Amen.

Hope Unseen

For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has?

-Romans 8:24

 

            Were I to dare to still my flailing heart, what would I find beneath its quiet beats? Were I to peel back the sinews of my soul, would I see a storehouse of expectancy? Were You to whisper into my deepest dreams, would I wake to recognize reality?

            I am a motor always churning, a willow in a state of constant weeping. I train my eyes to trace the ground because I fear the soaring lights in space may blind me. I have a heart encased in comfort but no motive to feel it burn.

            Dare I be foolish enough to fix my eyes on the unseen? To believe a promise that provokes me in an explosion of expectancy? What if, for once, I choose to chase the wind that wraps Your wonder around my veins?

            You are the constant sun in my winter night, the dream that’s always developing. In my most wildest of whims, there waits a life that lavishes all Your joy, Your purpose, and Your gifts upon my belief. Invisible, indescribable, it hovers just above my hands, full and fertile and the perfect fit for my palm. If I dare to hope in the beauty that waits to burst before me, how much power in love could lift my eyes high into the heavens?

            I am a timid soul, afraid to fly. But You beckon me to grasp what I have been grappling with and glow in the embers of excitement. Your throne is where my thoughts lay, and I hold the fabric of my heart’s unseen belief at Your feet, to take and spin Your sweetness into my strength, so I may boldly wait for what You send.

Prayer:

Lord, I grab at what I see and balk at what I cannot. I am afraid, yet am fervent in my faith. I want to believe You when You tell me to trust and see Your strength revealed, but my heart constricts and allows doubt to trickle in. Help me to see You in the invisible, to wish for what is impossible and act upon my faith as if I have always been so sure of where I’m going. Guide me, lift me and search my heart to be sewn like Yours. Amen.

Tend to the Harvest

The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into His harvest field.

-Matthew 9:37-38

 

            There I go again, trying to plant, plow, water and reap my own fields, only to find them trampled by my fumbling hands.

            You say the work is plenty, the fruits are ripe, yet who will pluck the precious pieces from their vine? Wheat, golden in the yellow sun, waves in an autumn wind, full and soft and ready to fall apart at a touch. See how they glisten? See how they arch in the afternoon air, beckoning, helpless on their own? How they plead for perfection upon their stalks.

            You are the planter. You raise the soil and set each seed in their place among the earth. You gently prod each miracle inside to shape and stir beneath Your touch, and day after week after month You watch and wait for fruit to bear. You, with Your tender care, see the sweet growth and prepare its color and taste.

            I am a feeble servant, stretched on my hand and knees to collect the remnants left in Your wake. Where the dirt meets the drops of harvest, there you’ll find my soiled hands. How can I breathe Your bounty when my lungs are filled with dust?

            Come, You say to me. The time is right and the fields are full for plucking. Tend to Your gardens with the grace and mercy You first planted. Much work is still to be done, and You have designed a specific purpose for my path.

            My heart is eager yet my steps are slow. I fear to trod upon the handiwork of Your green thumb, afraid to till and sift and shake. But You have bundled together those that most fit my fertility, have already given me the strength to stay Your course. Under a waning sky I will take my chaff and store the best for You. I will grow and sow and toil and water, so when the time comes to pluck up Your treasures, so smoothed and shaped they will slide like raindrops off a summer flower and flow straight into eternity’s basket.

 

Prayer:

The harvest is plenty, but the workers are few. How I long to be counted as one who tends Your fields! Give me a planter’s heart and a soul to sow, that I may pick the vines that You have grown so ripe and full. Thank You for allowing me to do Your work. Amen.

A Time to Speak

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under Heaven… a time to be silent and a time to speak.

-Ecclesiastes 3:1,7

 

            I once feared the echoes of my own mouth. The heaves and gasps my lips pushed forward, the noise breaking into the air. I could not fathom what formed from my voice.

            Deep within my heart I stashed my sayings and kept tight hold of the key. Inside, words pounded on the door and begged to be released. I couldn’t crack open their purpose. When a matter of importance arose, I smiled politely but offered no rebuttal, while my silence led me to conform to the patterns of the people. I did not believe the lies their lives were dipped in, but my voice remained silent. My words remained lonely. Day after night they whimpered at my timidity, and again and again in vain I tried to set them free but cowered in my failing courage.

            A clock ticked from somewhere beyond time, each strike of the second hand setting my mind at work.

            “Whom shall I send? And who will go?”

            “Speak Lord, for Your servant is listening.”

“Help those who cannot help themselves.”

            “In the beginning was the Word.”

            Voices, sweet and honest, dove into my defenses, breaking down the door that held my captives in my heart’s cavern. If not me, who would speak? Who could hope to hear the Truth if I buried it in the belly of restraint?

            A time to be silent would not work if the quiet fear I harbored held me helpless. I awoke my world to a thousand different sounds, rushed my tongue to slip into the praise it must spring forth. I called aloud the Light of my life, and how the hills of love crossed the soundwaves to those in desperate need of refreshment! Words, once so timid and small beneath my breath, now rolled with thunder, struck with strength.

            In the beginning was the Word. And that Word has emboldened me to proclaim good tidings and hope eternal to those who have ears, may they hear.

            It’s time to speak. May my mouth continue to soothe those in need of grace, and be empowered to keep my fears of silence forever away. I’m using my voice. I’m speaking on behalf of Him who has unblocked my words and set them soaringly free.

 

Prayer:

Father, thank You for releasing me from the fear of speech! Thank You that you cast away fear, and give me power to proclaim Your goodness. Help me to stay strong, stay focused and seek Your face always. In Your precious love, let me find my way. Amen.

Light of Your Face

It was Your right hand, Your arm,

and the light of Your face, for You

loved them.

-Psalm 44:3

Your light,

O Lord,

has shined

its beam

upon me.

Your heart

has beat

with mine.

You extended

Your right hand

and I have

grasped it

in my own.

Your face

radiated

through the

depths of night

to find my

searching eyes.

Your beauty

has taken

my breath

from my lungs,

my heart

thunders to

rip from

its cage.

For You

loved me,

o Lord,

when I

was unlovable,

You reached

for me

when I

pulled away.

But You

would not

let me go.

Not then.

Not now.

You are

illuminated

by love.

I am blinded

by its brilliance

and taken

by its torch.

 

Prayer:

Thank You, Lord, that You search for me, and that You come for me with a fierceness that is fueled by Your love. Thank You that my heart stirs for You, and that I can hold securely to Your light. Amen.

For Me

It is my pleasure to tell you about the miraculous signs and wonders that the Most High God has performed for me.

-Daniel 4:2

 

            For Sarah, You kept a promise to fill her barren lands with fertile soil, producing an heir and assuring her heart of hope.           

For Moses, You made his mumbles move Egyptian mountains, pulled back the curtains of the sea to let Your glory gleam a path of rescue.

            For Rahab, You sent Your spies into her sultry lair and softened her heart to save her life, to keep her family from crumbling with once impenetrable walls.

            For David, You took a shepherd boy and anointed his head with dripping oil, sealing his service to the power of Your kingdom.

            For Esther, You held an orphan in Your arms and presented her as Queen of a nation, Your mouthpiece to save Your people.

And for Daniel, You sealed the mouths of mighty beasts and kept their claws from the skin of one who refused to bow before any name but Yours.

            For me, You heard a lonely cry and caught my tears pulling me to Your protection and the warmth of Your light.

            For me, You walked across the universe and slipped into a waiting world, speckled Your sandals with dust and dreams and took the trail to my redemption.

            For me, You called my name upon the cross, carrying my soul through the cosmos to touch the door of death, so You would keep me at the threshold, never allowed to enter.

 

            For me, You reached into my mouth and set Your speech upon my lips, growing my gladness at Your grace.

            For me, You claimed me as Your own and bound me to Your side, where I will stay with sweet certainty and promised peace.

Prayer:

Father God, the Most High in the heavens, I thank You for the miracles and wonderful works You have done for Your people! Throughout history You have had Your hand upon Your servants and have led them to You. But what is unfathomable is that You remembered me through the generations, that You called my name to make me Yours. Let me marvel at Your grace and make my life point to You. Amen.

Best for Me

I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.

-Ephesians 3:16-17

Have I been content to live in limbo? To be certain of uncertainty and sleep in a sterile sty, chatting with cattle, mixing mud between my toes? Have I settled for second? Have I decided to hide my hope and disguise my dreams? Have I not taken You at Your word when You tell me my rags have been made riches and my seat is at Your throne?

My desire for others to see You has been snuffed by my disbelief, my doubt that Your delight could radiate in my heart. You are the Maker of magnificent; sunlight should rise and set in my soul.

Let me love You. Let my mind recall the promise You have planted deep within me, the harvest of hope that grows each hour and spreads through Your Spirit. Soften me, so I may dwell on the future You’ve prepared for me. One that is sweet and splendid and beyond all the beauty of this earth. Shape my eyes to see my bounty and revel in Your grace. Help me to marvel at Your majesty, bow before my blessing and believe in Your best for me. For the best is yet to come, and I can’t wait for what You will bring.

There is an explosion in my heart that brims and bursts with the fragrance of Your name, that lifts to my lips and tumbles forth from my tongue. Show me what I’m hoping for, so I may taste the truth in Your goodness.

Prayer:

Father, once again I have dipped my head down to see the cracks of life. I have forgotten to focus on Your grace and the gladness that comes from Your presence. Help me to see the spectacular around me, to remember that I am Your child, an heir to eternity. Help me believe the best is possible, and that You long for me to find it. Because of Your Son, amen.

Morning Glory

Like the appearance of a rainbow in the clouds on a rainy day, so was the radiance around Him.

-Ezekiel 1:28

I received an unexpected phone call bright and early in the morning. Well, not so bright, since the sun had yet to show her face, so maybe we’ll just stick with the early portion. Turned out I needed to meet my coworkers and open up the coffee shop since one of them misplaced her key.

Still pretty much sleeping, I rolled out of bed, stumbled around in the dark to find my keys, my mind a fog and still steeped in slumber. As I made my way to my car and started the drive, I kept the music off. I normally have to have music on constantly in the car, but this time I was too tired and still trying to focus on where I was going to have any noise except the sound of my motor and the gentle hum of the air conditioner.

The haze lifted from my mind just enough to bring my eyes into focus on the shifting world I had awoken to. Long, willowy clouds sprayed with pearl pink, laughing lavender and breezy blue drifted across a languid sky to the east, slowly yet purposefully striding through the morning. South, shards of lightning bolted across the slate gray, where an early morning storm gathered and gripped the city in its commanding hold.

As the slow, quiet respite of awakening undid my eyelids, I rose to meet its revelry.

When I met my coworkers in front of the coffee shop, I lifted my head through the splattering rain and set my eyes on a full color, vibrant rainbow leaping across the sky. It glowed against the rising sun to the east and enhanced by the metallic gray storm clouds striding in from the west towards us. The angle it rose into the sky and gently curved to encase the atmosphere, it had to be God dipping his paintbrush and tracing a perfect stroke against His canvas. I pointed the scene out to my coworkers, and we stood there in a quiet reverence to the beauty of the day’s beginning.

On my way back home, I had difficulty keeping my focus on the road, because every inch of me yearned to see the splendor to my left and the artistry arising to my right. Swirling cotton candy colored clouds framed a dazzling brilliance of the sun birthing itself to a new day. The honey sweet light cascaded down to the long bed of wildflowers across the street from the road that takes me to my apartment. I had to turn off the air conditioning, pull my windows down and listen to the rhythm of rain and catch the smell of sunlight slipping into the passenger seat.

Too stunned by the beauty, I pulled to the shoulder and set my car in park. I watched as tiny diamond raindrops drizzled themselves down to kiss the stretching stems that begged for their adornment. A fresh, perfumed breeze wrapped around my face, through my hair, and as the sun surged forth over the clouds, ascending to its rightful place in the sky, my heart lifted and soul stitched together the impact of this illustrious show.

This breathtaking scene, the most mesmerizing of spectacles I have seen, came when most of the world was still asleep. And I should have been, too, snoring right through the pastel shadows and dancing rain, had my God, the Artist with perfect precision, not stirred me awake.

Thank You, my Lord and my Love, for greeting me with Your glory.

 

Prayer:

You show us things when we are not looking for them, when we may not even want the interruption. But Father God, how You know exactly what we need! Thank You for the private, personal times You want to have with me, and how Your love is subtle, yet supreme. Please help me to look for You in the quiet spaces, and to reach out for the affection You offer. Amen.

Have Mercy

Have mercy on me, O Lord,

For I call to You all day long.

-Psalm 86:3

 

            Lord on high, how could You stoop to hold someone so lowly in Your arms? How could You smell the filth and sin on me and breathe as if the air was filled with fragrance sweet and smooth? How can You look upon my downcast eyes and will them to raise up and see the sky above me?

            I am a stream of swaying currents, never steadying my course, never settling into a constant, calm flow. I am that bull in the china shop. I shatter all the delicate plates piled with trust and hope and happiness I touch. When I pray to be Your light, I snuff out that lamp my first chance to show how You can shine. I am reminded again and again of my failures, and how they will always be my downfall.

            How can You still see me and not be sick of me? How can I learn to stand without my strength? Why must You feel so far away when I know I’m resting upon Your shoulders?

            You say You will raise me to new heights. Yet how can I fly when my wings lay broken in the valley? I am a thorn. You are a thriving garden, punctured by my pain.

            Prune me. Show me that my shame will somehow grant me grace and bring my weary limbs to fertile soil. Have mercy on me, my God, my Refuge. Have mercy on such a tainted, trembling heart as mine.

 

Prayer:

Lord, I am low. Lift me to You. Wrap me in Your grace and gift me with Your presence. I am longing for You. Amen.