Draw Near

Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings.
-Hebrews 10:22


Draw me near to You, for I have strayed too far from the safety of Your arms. When I was near You, the fire could not harm me. Now, I extend my hand and flames wrap around my twitching fingers. When I lived by Your law, I walked with You upon the water. Now, each step I take drags me deeper under the waves. When I saw Your eyes in the stars, each twinkle held a shared secret. Now, the cosmos look cool and distant, shards of glass in darkness. When I skinned my knee, I saw Your sacrifice in the crimson flow. Now, I feel the pain cut through me with intent to scar.

I sensed You rushing through me in every song, in every sliver of surprise, in every quiet space. You whispered in my ear words no one else would understand. And no one else could, for You wanted them to touch my heart only. We shared smiles at dawn and dreams at dusk; I placed my fragile fears into Your hand.

You promised to be by me always, to lead and love. And because of this I have walked with steady steps. Yet I trip over my clumsy feet and stray my eyes from the road before me. I veer off to the detour and I do not ask for directions.

You watch me shuffle along, head straight into the fog of uncertainty. You let me bruise my arms and bash my heart. I wear myself out so quickly on my own. Now, I am running on one leg, I am tangled in my own shortcomings. Now, when I search the crowd I cannot see Your face. I didn’t realize how much I’d miss Your encouraging eyes until I matched them with the pupils of so many others, each glazed and empty behind their veil.

I need You singled out. I need You standing while everyone lowers themselves in the stands. I need Your steady arms holding me, warming up my frozen heart. And I need to feel You coursing through my bloodstream, pumping furiously to the chambers that keep me alive.


Prayer:
Father, I know that I am empty, that there is a void only You can fill. Please let me see You, feel You in all I do, in each breath I take. Set me back on my feet, clasp my tightly to You. Amen.