Wrestling with Your Wonder

Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.” But Jacob replied, “I will not go unless you bless me.”

-Genesis 32:26

            Imagine me, so shy and shaking, rising above my fear and daring to dance with the flashing of Your eyes. Were I to lift my chin with certainty, could it stay stoic and brave?

            I have humbled myself in the dust, knowing my place before You. At one light kiss of air I could disintegrate into no existence, pulled away by Your power. But I have been created in Your image, and seen as good. I am part of Your people, painted into Your world and placed with purpose to fill the vacancy void.

            I must be worth something. You must see me as more than cunning claims me to be. I am Your child, and as such I can be sure You want what’s best. Which means I can make my way through a bruise-filled night where a pressing pushes in around me, and I am held by iron hands. I can push back and bring a turning tide towards the dawn. And though I am weak, I will hold steady to the truth that You listen to my requests. “Bless me,” I will mutter, mutely at first, because I am uncertain myself at what I ask, but my heart will strengthen and grow grander in its gusto. “Bless me,” I will repeat, louder, steadier, matching the rhythm of my heart. Because You are good and have come to claim me as Your prize. My hands close around your coattails refusing to loosen because I believe in Your blessing, that it will fall upon me and shine like the sun.

            I will receive your inheritance. I will be firm in step for following You. And I will come out touched and changed for holding You to promises You have held for me until the perfect time, after wrestling with Your wonder.

Prayer:

Father, thank You that You long to bless me and teach me Your ways. I am stubborn, and I struggle to see what You have before me, but I long to grab onto You and wrestle with my past, present, and future and refuse to stop until You promise You are with me wherever I go. Help me to hold on to Your promises, and reach for Your love. Amen.

Crash Over Me

I wait for the Lord,

My soul does wait,

And in His word

Do I hope.

-Psalm 130:5

 

I am eager to hear from You,

to hear the rumbling of Your voice

as it crashes over me

I wait for Your direction,

to tell me where to go,

who to love,

what to do with all

You have lain present

inside me.

I want to make You proud,

yet I fear I am too timid

to cast a ripple on the water.

You are the ocean

through my tide,

You press into me with cool,

wet hands.

I stand with Your love

lapping at my ankles,

and in the gulp of waves to shore

I hear You whisper,

telling me to rise

with Your water sprayed wind.

Prayer:

Splash me with Your love, spray me with Your truth and saturate me with the healing waters of Your love. For I am static on the shoreline and watching for Your waves to come crashing in. Find me and fill me, Lord. Amen.