I Have Loved You

“I have loved you,” says the Lord.
But you ask, “How have You loved us?”
-Malachi 1:2


I ask for a star
and You give me
a galaxy.

I ask for a drop
and You pour the oceans
into my cup.

I ask for a sign
and You give me
breath each morning.

I ask for wisdom
and You teach me
so scholars look like fools.

I ask for a dream
and You bring
my thoughts to life.

I ask for answers
and You greet me
with silence.



You are the lines of light that course through my blinds as I wake to a new day, the song playing in my soul as I search cracks and corners for living chords that echo in the atmosphere. I think I see you as I walk the street, but when I turn to see where You have roamed, I am caught standing still in the city stream of moving people. I seek, but do I find? When my lips whisper pleas to You, they reach to You delicately, floating, humming in my ear. All I catch is the promise of Your presence, yet I cannot unfold my fears and touch You, cannot hear You point me in the right direction. I hear Your love roar around me, but I do not feel it in my bones, do not see what is there, waiting for me, in front of my eyes. Must I continue to cry out into this silence? Must my voice echo into the abyss? How long will my heart roam with no direction?

I have parted with my old ways and sealed myself to You, but the winds of wisdom spin about this path, blowing uncertainty across my steps. Help me keep my feet. Speak to me in ways You know will strike a light within and set my soul ablaze.


Prayer:
I am twisting in many directions, yet I seem to be directionless. I ask for wonders, for tiny truths to show me You are here, present and deep in my depths. But I falter, I doubt, I pay no attention to the slow, secret voices You slip in my conscious. I turn to the sky for floating answers, yet miss the clues tucked in the clouds. Help me see You and all the small ways You answer me, the small ways that ripple through me and change me every moment You make Yourself known. Amen.