Into the Fire

If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it.

-Daniel 3:17

It is a leap of faith

to step into the fire.

Whether or not

God keeps you from singeing,

you place your cards down

on the table and expect Him

to pull the upper hand.

You do not know

how fast the flames may rise,

how eager they will be

to taste your skin,

but no sense is stronger than

sight of the Refiner’s fire,

shaving off your stubborn edges

and smoothing your certainty

into an image that mirrors

His own.

Prayer:

Lord, You are with me. I don’t know where I am going, but I know You are taking me there. Thank You for leading me, for proving my worth and holding onto every card I play. My heart has nothing to fall into but You; keep me steady in Your grasp. Amen.

Gratitude

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

-1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Thank You.

I cannot do anything else, think any other way, except to express my gratitude for the life I have lived from the time You knit me together until now, as I stand before a thousand separate paths as part of my journey. I may not know where I am going, but I know where I have been. And You have walked with me every step of the way.

            I may not know why I am placed in the times or circumstances I am in, but I know that You reach beyond limit and light. That You have allowed me to be born as I am, with my eyes and nose and heart. You have placed me in a certain city, surrounded by certain people. And you have reached beyond the walls of my security and laid open the world at my hands, which reach to serve as You serve. You have given me a mind, body and spirit, unique as each sunrise and just as stunning. You have provided a roof over my head and a song in my soul, to last me on those cold, damp nights when both the wind and fear pound on my door.

            I have plenty to eat, enough money to live on and purpose to get me through the nights I doubt. You have called to me, and I have answered. I have stepped out in faith to follow Your lead and You are faithful to provide for me in every way possible. You promise to stand beside me, to shelter me under Your restful wings, and to never leave or forsake me. You have sent Your Spirit to reside in me, to direct me as I move. I am rich in the things most of the wealthy scoff at, but You regard as regal.

            You have taken me so far already. How can I not trust You will continue to climb this mountain with me? I wonder where I am going, what You are doing, all that is stirring beneath the surface. But for now, and for as long as You want me to learn, I am content to be content with You, and praise Your grace, Your love, Your confidence. Because if it weren’t for You and Your still, soothing voice, which called to me from before creation, I would not be kneeling before You, overcome by Your gifts, by the life You have called me to live. You look at me and see someone good. Someone with direction and potential, even when I cannot fathom all You are writing into my story. So I will wrap my heart around You and say, again and again, thank You for being You, for sticking with me longer than I deserve. For giving me the chance to feel You in my veins, and to call You Beloved.

Prayer:

Thank You! In this season of confusion, I need to step away from my questions and take the time to appreciate all You have done for me, all You are doing in me right now, and all You will continue to do. Thank You for calling me to Your side, and for walking with me as I try and follow the road You’ve laid out for me. Let me remember all Your goodness, and when my head clutters with confusion, let me clear it with Your love. Amen.

Cloudy

So do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you;
Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
-Isaiah 41:10


Why is it that when a cloud of uncertainty passes over us, it attaches to our heart and will not move out of the way for the clarity striving to be revealed?

It lingers, mockingly, enjoying our discomfort at trying to decipher its appearance. It laughs when we shield ourselves from its onslaught but cannot fully block its advances. And the more we attempt to untangle ourselves from its spidery arms, the more we become ensnared. It is relentless and spins our heads into such disarray we wonder for days after what came out of the storm we feebly tried to weather.

We think a thousand thoughts at the reasons we are tested, and the closer we try to get to the big picture, the less we truly see and understand. It’s like our life is one big maze, and we are the guinea pig curving around corners in search of blue skies and fresh air that will greet us as we finally make our way to the exit. In all the searching, never once did we expect to encounter a row of dead ends.

Somewhere there is an answer. Somewhere, sunshine and smiles. And somewhere, Someone is holding all we want to know. Is holding all we’ll ever need.

We may never find the exact clarity we’re looking for. We may never fully understand why we went through all we did. And that’s ok. Because we don’t need to know. At this point in life, we just need to acknowledge that the confusion will pass, there will be adventures at the next turn, and we are closer to our prize and comfort than we may imagine. And when the haze is lifted, we will realize that we were never once left alone in the abyss.


Prayer:
Father, I thank You that through all my uncertainty, all my questions and confusion, that You have been with me, right by my side. You know how my head and heart spin, yet You steady them with Your soothing hand. Please continue to hold me close, and walk with me as I try to navigate this cloudy maze, because I absolutely cannot even try to go at it without You. Amen.

Twisting Hearts

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
-James 5:16



When we hurt, there is no greater pain than the twisting of our hearts. That constant heaviness sitting on our soul. We crumble. We shatter. We are swallowed in a darkness that hammers at our heads.

It is difficult to understand. Almost impossible to bear. We cannot, do not, want to face it alone.

And it is in this time of complete misery and suffering that words disappear, and our only communication comes through a river of tears and a silence that speaks more profoundly than any other form of speech. We did not know how fast we could fall.

Brokenness. An aching hole in our chest. The more we know, the less we really understand. Why things happen as they do. Why our hearts get mangled. Why we feel completely helpless.

There is no fast road to recovery. There is no slow road, either. We seem to move backwards and questions keep piling up. Overwhelmed is minor in comparison. We are anchored in place with no wind in our sails. And when we seek direction, we are met with a deafening unknown.

We can do nothing else but throw ourselves into the trust, that gut wrenching, self-denial devotion that God IS in control. That He is with us, in this, even when He feels a thousand miles away. It is hard, it is unbelievable, but we must know that He is here, and that when every shred of our heart is sliced and scattered through our body, we take great pains in uttering two words from the depths of our soul:

Jesus. Healing.

Pray for one another. When we are shattered, the earth stands still and we are left on our knees in the debris of our disappointment. But when we rise, however long it may take, He is there, holding out His arms to lift us up and sweep away our ashes.


Prayer:
Father, I have no words to speak. I am broken. I am helpless. And so hurting. For myself, but for others involved. Please, Lord. Healing. Healing in so many ways, in all that I have not spoken. Jesus, I am calling on You to help and heal, to open up eyes and hearts in understanding. Remove me from the wreckage and into Your comfort and healing embrace. Amen.

Holding Something

And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.
-Romans 5:5



I am holding something in my heart.

A feeling. It is unidentifiable. It is deep. Buried, covered in earth hundreds of miles beneath my surface.

Sometimes I can feel it breathing. Feel its slight rise and fall as it inhales my life and exhales Yours. Like each space between the silence is filtered from me, from my selfish, sinful flesh, and squeezed through a needle of new awakening, to be filled with Your soul, Your desire.

Faint is the song lifting in the breeze. A soft echo, sweeping the sky inside me, drawing out the day. From black to blue, a powdered perfection infiltrating my existence. I am drawn to the light. I am reaching for that shooting star.

I protect myself to feel no pain. I see what I want, say what I need. I am foolish when I play my words back to me. And when I slow down the sentences, You are the white noise speaking in symbols to my soul. Your voice, its softness, its certainty, strikes me and hooks to my heart, and there it hangs, swaying gracefully above the gaps of life. Never wavering, never losing its grip.

Can I touch it, just this once? Can I reach my trembling hand inside my very being, the raw pounding of my chest, and brush my fingertips across the pumping presence of Your wonder? If I let myself in, break through to that practically unperceivable hope holding me together, where will it take me? Where do I want it to go? Where do You want it to go?

All I am is shape and silence. I am the snow forming in winter’s midnight. You are the ground to which I fall. In between the blankets of belief, You whisper in my head, trail Your design down my spine and slip into my soul. I never knew I could shiver with such restrain. You coax me, gently, imploringly, to lose myself in this feeling. This feeling of all things good. Because to know this greatness, this burst of unimaginable imagination, is to know You. To know that You take a stone and shape it into starlight. To know Your eyes see the color of my core and weave a rainbow in my being. From this serpent, You create a seraphim.

I have wings. They shine. They lift my heart into my hands and dance me to Your music. I am sorting out this freedom You have untied within me. I am taking hold of this feeling, transparent in my veins. Guiding me to a blushing horizon, encouraging me to dream. Dream in me, dream in You. Dream in all things bright.

My heart is beating. It is begging to unfold from the gray reign I’ve kept it subject to. Take it. Release it to the ribbon-sewn sweetness of Your promise, which longs to give me abundantly more than my hopeful heart has ever conceived.



Prayer:
Dear One, I have been sleeping for too long. I have been afraid to hope for anything good, anything beautiful. But to doubt its existence is to doubt You, for You are all things beautiful and good. I am going to dare to dream, I am going to set my heart out on a limb. Because I trust that You have me protected, You have me by Your side, and that You want to exceed anything I’ve experienced. You are joy. You are a gift. You long to gift me with Your presence. Fill me up, Lord. Let me see You in every great gust of wind You sweep across my face. Let me feel Your goodness, feel Your wonder. Amen.

Take Refuge

I long to dwell in Your tent forever
and take refuge in the shelter
of Your wings.
-Psalms 61:4


There was a place I’d go
when I was small,
deep in the woods,
deep in my dreams.
The rain fell down,
I ducked inside the trees
that hid me from the world.

You’d patch my hopes
with shades of green,
when light poured through
our fort of leaves.
I used to laugh,
so pure, so free,
and all the life
within my lungs
slipped sweetly through
Your beams.

My eyes flew wide awake
in the middle of the day,
I was so sheltered
in the words that You would say.
Take me to the top of branches
filled with song,
melodies the trees whispered
and You and I would sing along.

Autumn’s bitter browns
decayed and turned to rust,
brought sparks of fire,
floods of rain,
a hundred weeks of wonder
spilled and spinning to the ground.
As moons passed by,
years lined my brow,
the color in my veins,
once bold,
lay bleaching in Your palms.

My eyes flew wide awake
in the middle of the day,
I was so sheltered
in the words that You would say.
Take me to the top of branches
filled with song,
melodies the trees whispered
and You and I would sing along.

Take me back
to where we danced,
a swirling love,
bright in my hands.



Prayer:
Father, please shelter me in the loving arms I ran to when I was young. Sweep me in Your sweetness, in Your comfort and strength. Tuck me into You, soothe me with Your unshakable promises when the world around me shivers. Rest with me, sing to me, let me feel bright brilliance once again. Amen.

Firstborn

While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son.
-Luke 2:6-7



Firstborn holds a lot of responsibility.

He is the one who leads the way. A trailblazer. Icebreaker. He sets the bar for those who come after, and is who younger ones look up to.

The road is unclear. There are no maps that direct which way to turn, where to go, when to get there. So the firstborn must forge a trail previously never stepped upon. And when the path proves a bit overgrown, He looks to His Father to show the way.

From the firstborn many appear. Bloodlines thicken, populations multiply. When you see one, others are sure to follow.

The firstborn is strong. He must hold his own and take on the world that is so unknown to eyes that see land and life for the first time through flesh. He is resilient. If something doesn’t turn out the way it should, He continues on to make it right.

He is caring, gentle, patient and kind. He looks after those in His care. When they hurt, He bleeds, too. When they smile, His heart rejoices. He encourages the downcast and propels them to a sky of dreams. He will make even the most stubborn of hearts crave His approval.

Love lives inside Him. Light spills from His eyes. His touch soothes. He knows His destiny, and steps towards it with determination. And from afar, His Father watches, waiting until the day He returns home, task completed, and has set the world in motion. In His Son, this firstborn, this selfless servant, the Father is well pleased.

And what pleases the Son, the right and true firstborn? Knowing the lives He’s cared for are well secured and safe.


Prayer:
Lord Jesus, You came into a cold, cruel world to mark a life of love, to set an example we are to follow. You were the firstborn, in every sense of the word. In life, in sacrifice, and for caring about my heart. You are the reason for the season of reflection. May I walk in Your steps and blaze like You. Amen.