Daddy

As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.
-Psalm 103:13


Daddy,

Funny, but when I write to You, I always start with Father. It’s authoritative, solid, head of the household type reverence. Yet You are close to me, hovering over me in a familiar gaze. You are with me. I run to Your arms.

But still there is Father. Father, if Your will be done… Father, You created the heavens and earth… Father, You are holy and I have never been more aware of my stains.

Somehow, Daddy sounds comforting, more childlike. And isn’t that what You wish our relationship to be? The ability to scoop me up in Your embrace after I’ve skinned my knees in disobedience, wiping away the tears that fall because You promise that there is rejoicing in the morning?

If I really dig under the layers of this endearment, I’d want to burrow deeply into the comfort of Your wings and tell You all that scares me. Then You can whisper in my ear, “It is alright, my love. I am here.” And You will stand in my corner when the world presses in and I’ll smile at those who sneer, because I know my Daddy’s got me. He fights for me, because I’m His little girl.

Thank You for protecting me. I love You.
Your Little Girl


Prayer:
Daddy. That name brings comfort, brings warmth. And You do hold me close. You wrap me in Your love and wipe away my tears, comforting the inner child of my heart. Thank You for pulling me close. Amen.

Lily Among the Thorns

Like a lily among the thorns, so is my darling among the maidens.
-Song of Songs 2:2


You’ve read book after book, devouring chapters of blazing gazes and whispered promises, but as the last page turns, four walls return and you’re left, alone and silent, in the emptiness.

You’ve tried the warm arms of a cold heart, only to lay awake in the morning sifting through ashes of a fire fanned out.

You’ve stood in the deli section of the grocery store, ticket in hand for shaved ham, noting how similar you feel to the piece of meat being weighed on the silver scale.

You’ve assessed yourself with practiced eyes in front of the mirror, magnifying every blemish, every wrinkle, every added curve until, like Dorian Gray’s portrait, the reflection turns into a hideous monster.

You’ve watched friend after friend float down a petal-strewn aisle, your bridesmaid dress fitting a bit too snug, pondering when it will be you tossing the bouquet instead of catching it.

You’ve trailed rivers of tears down your pillow in the dark, replaying the events of hours earlier and asking yourself over and over why you just weren’t enough.

So you hesitate with your heart, skeptic anyone will sweep you off your feet.

Then He appears. Almost out of nowhere. You’re in the corner of a coffee shop, sipping your favorite latte. Jogging through a park, feet flying over the pavement. On your second load of laundry, separating the delicates. At first, the smile on His face slides over your head. Surely it couldn’t be aimed at you. But you sneak another glance, this time noticing the depths of piercing eyes fastened on you.

He makes His way towards you, stopping a few feet from your gaping stare. With a gentle yet purposed stride, He closes the distance and pulls you into His arms. It feels natural, as if your head was formed for His shoulder.

Leaning down, He tickles your ear with words. “You are beautiful.”

A kiss, soothing on your scalp, lands in the meadow of your hair. “You are who I’ve been searching for.”

Hands, stained with scars, wipe away the drops of doubt that roll down your face without permission. His next breath filters to your heart, fusing precisely into the space you’ve branded hopeless, and you return the embrace, this unexpected love springing swiftly to your soul.

“Like a lily among the thorns, so is My darling among the maidens.”


Prayer:
Thank You for loving me. All of me- imperfections and all. May I fall more and more in love with You as I seek after Your heart and all You encourage me to be. Amen.

Pierced

But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed.
-Isaiah 53:5


I had plans.
They were my own.
A fistful of fairy dust
that would carry me
off to Neverland.
You saw the empty breaths
I took to give them life.
They were never deep enough.

So You became my
second star, twinkling
across the cosmos.
Stepped from Your throne,
trod the mud streaked streets
to Calvary.
Bled the nails that
cursed your skin,
covered my stain.
Black velvet colored
a mourning sky;
gasping pleas
fell from grasping lips
to forgive my thoughts
and all You knew
would pierce my heart,
which struck Your soul instead.
The wails echoed against
stifling silence,
a silver blade slid from
the soldier’s belt
through your side,
and in flawless surrender
Your scarlet river
rushed through me.

You are in my veins.
Everything has changed.

Take a Chance

Sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth.
-Psalm 96:1



Saturday afternoon, I popped the Mamma Mia soundtrack into my car’s CD player and started grooving and singing along to the upbeat songs. I felt happy and lighthearted for the first time in weeks, and I wanted to savor it. My fingers tapped the NEXT button until the first strains of track 16 sifted through the speakers. My favorite song- Take a Chance on Me. This song gives me such a fun feeling, the thrill of someone desperately, yet assuredly, asking me to take a chance and open up to love, to trust. I’ve always pictured my future husband singing this to me, and I would unabashedly smile, maybe awkwardly join in on the high parts, and agree to the opportunity he was offering me.

But as I pulled into my driveway and started the song over, something struck me. The words jumped out in new meaning. The unseen face of my love shifted to a man with gentle eyes that sliced through to my soul, saw everything black and corroded in my heart, all my failings and fears, and wanted me to be His anyhow.

Let’s do something. Let’s go back to biology class for a bit. A Swedish quartet is in front of you, all smiles and song. Anticipation itches through your veins. Take up your scalpel. We’re going to dissect Abba.

When you think about it, these lyrics can sound like they were written by Jesus specifically for you. How He stands, watching you, wanting you to see all He is offering and all that can be when you allow Him to be a part of your life. He knows about your struggles, your fears and all that keeps you from fully committing. But He is patient, very patient, and He wants to see you put your heart in His hands.

Ready? Alright, dig in!


If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me

He has always been, and will continue to be, first in line for your heart.

If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me

When you’ve run into a corner, crawled into a dark space or your hope has just plain deflated, when all feels lost, He is still standing by your side.

Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

Go ahead and ask Him anything. See what He says.

Take a chance on me
Take a chance on me

How much more obvious can you get?!

We can go dancing, we can go walking, as long as we're together
Listen to some music, maybe just talking, get to know you better

Talking. Silence. Dancing. Dreaming. He wants to do it all with you, wants you and He to really get to know one another.

'Cos you know I've got
So much that I wanna do, when I dream I'm alone with you

Jesus knows all you are meant to be and every wonderful thing He can accomplish through you.

You want me to leave it there, afraid of a love affair
But I think you know
That I can't let go

He never lets go.

Oh you can take your time baby, I'm in no hurry, know I'm gonna get you
You don't wanna hurt me, baby don't worry, I ain't gonna let you

Patience is a virtue. Jesus had all time before creation to think about you and entertain your heart.

Let me tell you now
My love is strong enough to last when things are rough

Point in case- Jesus on the cross.

You say that I waste my time but I can't get you off my mind
No I can't let go
'Cos I love you so

You are ALWAYS on His mind.

Ba ba ba ba baa, ba ba ba ba baa ba-ba
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me

Ba ba ba ba baa…. Living in Jesus’ love should feel like bursting into song!

Jesus is waiting. Wishing you would take a chance on Him. Who knew we could learn so much from a pop song?


Prayer:
I thank You for teaching me to see ordinary things from an eternal perspective. I do thank You that like the songs says, my love is what You want, and You patiently pursue us to personally know You, as well. I pray I can take these thoughts of You with me as I go about the week ahead, and take satisfaction in saying YES to Your love. Amen.



Just for fun, here's a link to listen to the song!

Disclaimer: Lots of winking and knitted sweaters

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-crgQGdpZR0

Jump

As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, “It is the Lord,” he wrapped his outer garment around him… and jumped into the water.
-John 21:7


When I was six years old, I took summer swimming lessons at the local pool. We’d use kickboards to propel ourselves across the shallows, do jumping jacks and bob for rings. It was great, lighthearted fun while learning basic strokes. My friends and I splashed crystal water droplets in the air, giggling when they landed on our noses. Fifteen feet away, our parents sat on pool chairs, watching us swim and keeping an eye on our younger siblings. The midday sun beat down on our shoulders we had smothered in lotion. For a few weeks, I found a fondness for water.

Then came the trip to the other side of the pool. To the diving boards, and the dipping floor that took the surefooted bottom away from us. As we marched our way over to the deep end and stood shivering in line for the lowest diving board, my nerves chattered along with my teeth. I was terrified. Every inch of my body recoiled from touching the ladder that would take me to the plank, where I would edge myself closer and closer to the end and propel my tiny body through the air to the lifeguard treading water below. Her arms were strong, smile ready. But what if in that moment, her arms failed and I slipped under the surface? Could I trust someone whose legs pumped beneath them and whose weight would noticeably increase with the addition of my own to the water?

I let the other kids go ahead of me, sneaking my way to the back of the line. One by one, I watched my friends make their way across the board, which creaked with each footstep. They’d bounce a few times at the edge, gathering momentum, before jumping into the lifeguard’s waiting arms. Each second they flew suspended in the air seemed like an eternity, and I held my breath until they touched the water and swam safely to the side of the pool.

Soon enough, I was the only one standing on the concrete. With shaky hands, I grabbed the metal pole and stepped up on the platform. Placing one tiny foot in front of the other, I crept to the end of the diving board, where the wrinkled water bobbed in a menacing motion. My eyes darted from the water to the lifeguard, smiling assuredly to me below, to the coral colored board soaking up the remnants of water I hadn’t absorbed in my skin. Heart beating wildly within, I knocked my knees up and down, testing the security of my footing. My toes dangled off the edge, tentatively waving at the endless blue beneath them. The voice inside my head screamed to turn around and walk back down the steps and onto solid surface again. And I wanted to listen. Desperately. Wanted to turn 180 degrees and book it away from this metal monster. But fear paralyzed me. I was stuck standing on the edge with ever fiber in my being twirling and gnarling inside me, feeling every pair of eyes in the pool on me as I stood, hands clasped together underneath my chin while assessing the swarming waters below. Feet glued to the board, the poison of panic slid into every vein, every crack in my skin to take residence in my body. I couldn’t fight it, couldn’t win the battle for my backbone.

So I jumped.

Didn’t think. Just moved. Like it wasn’t even me, but a shadow of myself stepping off and falling to the blue below. If you’ve ever seen videos of a frog jumping from tree to pond, you can visualize how I looked- legs splayed out to the sides, arms flailing, grasping at the air, belly slightly above parallel to the drop. Before I had a chance to think about what in the world I just did, two firm hands grasped me underneath my arms and guided me into the water. I felt the cooling fingers of shadowed waves splash up to rinse my hair and the sensation of my legs churning to find a foothold, but my face never once slipped below the surface.

As I doggie paddled to the side (those freestyle lessons the day before obviously came in handy), my breathing regulated and the ties of terror began to loosen from my limbs. Fingers clenched to the side railing, I chanced a look at where I had been- atop that treacherous ledge my fear still reverberated on. But I was gone from the perch that paralyzed me. I had leapt, and someone caught me. Because someone believed I could fly, could take that dive into the deep.

It’s almost twenty years later, and I find myself once again set on the edge of this precariously bending board. I’m at a point in my life where I need to jump, but I can’t seem to muster the courage to take the plunge. I slip backwards, letting others go before me towards their turn in the deep. And now it’s just me left in line. I tiptoe to the invisible ledge dividing me and the vast space beneath and gaze at the uncertain currents. One step. One fall of faith into the air.
Still I balk, legs rooted to my comfort zone. I steady my stance, then sneak a peek at the Lifeguard in the water, beckoning me to jump. His arms are strong, stronger than anyone else who has held me. His smile is warm, brilliantly blinding the insecurities I have laid on the line. And His words soothe me, propel me to plummet: “Jump. I am here. I will catch you. I will not let you fall.”

No more hedging. No more thinking. Just jump.


Prayer: I don’t want to succumb to questions and fears anymore. I don’t want to be controlled by the “what if’s.” Father, I’d rather you tell me, “Why not?” Why not take that leap of faith, take that step into the unknown? Because You promise to be with me every step of the way. Through good times and bad, the known and unseen. I trust You, Lord. Now show me why I do. Amen.

Stand By Me

He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; He enables me to stand on the heights.
-Psalm 18:33


Sirens scream around me, uncertainty and self-doubt seeping in my ears. I am tossed in the torment.
Stand by Me.

I am black and blue with life’s bruises. My limbs are weak, each breath a struggle to squeeze from my lungs.
Stand by Me.

Mountains dissolve to the earth, stars shoot fire, and darkness consumes my eyes.
Stand by Me.

I root in the middle of the road, paths sprouting from all directions. None are paved, all overgrown and looming. Not a sign in sight.
Stand by Me.

Life hangs by a silent web, invisible to the naked eye. Frail, frantic, lingering on its line.
Stand by Me.

I feel pressure caving around my soul, chiseling hard and stark realization, a hammer to my heart.
Stand by Me.

Numb. Lord, everything is crashing to my shore in urgent calling.
Fear. I stand at the edge of a canyon and listen to my echoes reverberate against the chasm.
Unknown. I am moving through a midnight marsh that threatens to swallow me, skin to spirit. I cannot be alone. I don’t want to feel surrounded.

Stand by Me.


Prayer:
Father, You are here. Right now. With me. And I need You. Desperately. Hold me in Your mighty arms. Cradle me to Your chest. Rock me to sleep with Your soothing melody.

Let It Go

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.
-1 Peter 5:7


I take up my pen and begin relaying my thoughts onto paper. I talk about trust, how I have more ease of life knowing God is taking care of the how. I begin to describe how God is teaching me this week, for the pressing thoughts continually on my mind. Prayer. Petition. Bringing my requests before the great and powerful Oz of the universe who sits on His heavenly throne and rules with authority.

But I am timid. I am weak and I am fearful. I doubt. Myself, the plans God has for me, even the gifts He has given me. I wonder if I’m doing anything with my life that aligns with His will.

I let the fear fester inside, corroding my heart and blocking off the air canals that guide me to God. Soon, I am so consumed with this confusion I am ashamed to even come before Him. Why would He still listen to me? Hear my prayers? My cries seem to carry across a barren sky and dissolve into the night.

Still I write, trying to somehow break through the surface. I try to not bother Him and begin to think of ways to solve my worries on my own. I wonder whether or not the decisions I make today will mark tomorrow. I can fix things, I assure myself. I can do this on my own.

But I can’t. In my decision to fight my own battles my life caves in. The ceiling presses down, I reach for the exit door and find there is no handle. I am trapped, a hostage in my maze of an unknown future, and the more I struggle to break the bonds of baggage upon me, the tighter the hold. My shoulders are frail. I need ones that are stronger.

Meek, all energy drained, I dare to decode my confusion at God’s feet. I stumble before Him, face buried in humiliation as I realize that while I have been doubting my abilities and the haze that appears on my path, I have also doubted God, because He gave me these desires and attributes. I am His daughter, created in His image. And if I think it is impossible to climb out of the muck I’ve stepped in, then I do not fully comprehend the immensity of my God. For when I am weak, He is at His strongest. His shoulders are solid, His mark always on target. And through my utter despair, it is at my lowest point where He can take charge and show that ALL things are possible through Him, because He is incomprehensible in power and love.

When we try to take matters into our own hands, we lunge into the ocean and expect to keep in the shallows. We swim, bob, dog paddle in our own currents until we reach the middle of the sea and find no land in sight. Legs pumping, heart crashing, our bodies tread water, killing time but getting nowhere. Soon, the more we struggle, the more we are swallowed into the abyss.

Until we release the fears and insecurities that keep us weighed down, we slowly sink to the bottom. We whisper in the waters, “Father, I cannot do this on my own,” and He gives strength to our weary limbs, tosses a life vest out to our eager arms. And, with gentle, guiding hands, He lifts us to His side and charts our perfect course.


Prayer:
Father, I am drained. I do not know where life is heading and cannot see beyond today. I try to shoulder all the uncertainty, all the burdens of my daily life and find myself failing. I cannot get by on my own. I have nowhere else to turn, nothing else to try. Please lift the weight from my shoulders. Show me why You are God and why I am Your child. Thank you that I do not have to go through this life alone. Amen.