Have Mercy

Have mercy on me, O Lord,

For I call to You all day long.

-Psalm 86:3

 

            Lord on high, how could You stoop to hold someone so lowly in Your arms? How could You smell the filth and sin on me and breathe as if the air was filled with fragrance sweet and smooth? How can You look upon my downcast eyes and will them to raise up and see the sky above me?

            I am a stream of swaying currents, never steadying my course, never settling into a constant, calm flow. I am that bull in the china shop. I shatter all the delicate plates piled with trust and hope and happiness I touch. When I pray to be Your light, I snuff out that lamp my first chance to show how You can shine. I am reminded again and again of my failures, and how they will always be my downfall.

            How can You still see me and not be sick of me? How can I learn to stand without my strength? Why must You feel so far away when I know I’m resting upon Your shoulders?

            You say You will raise me to new heights. Yet how can I fly when my wings lay broken in the valley? I am a thorn. You are a thriving garden, punctured by my pain.

            Prune me. Show me that my shame will somehow grant me grace and bring my weary limbs to fertile soil. Have mercy on me, my God, my Refuge. Have mercy on such a tainted, trembling heart as mine.

 

Prayer:

Lord, I am low. Lift me to You. Wrap me in Your grace and gift me with Your presence. I am longing for You. Amen.

More Than We Imagine

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

-Ephesians 3:20-21

 

When we were in kindergarten, what did we love? To paint, to color, to draw outside the lines. And our journal time in third grade? Who didn’t love using their mind to create a story, to put down all the rushing feelings that coursed through our veins? We were invincible in our imagination.

            But somewhere between adolescent and adult, the bright colors muted, clouds coated our skies and dreaming was saved for the subconscious. We lost the ability to feel. For what? Bigger paychecks and a stamp in society? Some of the greatest accomplishments, greatest impacts on reality and how we think, were wielded by men and women who refused to crush the creativity inside, to bend to the lines of conformity.

            Just because we must grow old doesn’t mean we must grow up. Our Creator designed us with purpose, with such an individual uniqueness that reflects His persona. We are formed, we are fantastic, we are filled with the blinding light of fantasy. If we choose to listen for His voice, softly speaking, we will hear all that has been written on our hearts, all we cannot beat in blood without. He is drawing us closer, closer to His light and love, to our purpose, to the burst of life we’ve held in wait inside our heartstrings since the moment time froze and we realized that we, once again, had the ok to dream.

Find those crayons again. Sit at your favorite table, in that comfiest seat that was your safe haven so many years ago and hold fast to the pictures you draw with eager hands. In His power you can do more than your heart has had the hope to dare. You are young. You are His. Your imagination is just beginning.

 

Prayer:

Lord, You are the ultimate Creator. You spoke, and the universe sprang into existence. In the beginning was the Word, sure and strong and sparkling. In Your creation, You set Yourself in our hearts. You have made my heart Your home. And through my skin, my soul, my mind, You have fastened limitless wonder and dreams. In Your strength, I can soar to uncharted heights, I can create. I can showcase Your splendor. Release me to radiate Your warmth, and to reflect my beloved Artist. Amen.

When You Loved

See how I love Your precepts;

Preserve my life, Lord, in accordance with Your love.

-Psalm 119:159

 

 

When You laughed, the sky scattered into a thousand pieces, arranging themselves at the shore of Your smile.

            When You spoke, the trees of the earth jumped for joy and strained to hear Your voice through their leaves.

            When You loved, the oceans couldn’t soak up enough of Your heart.

            When You touched the untouchables, searing their skin with Your soul, the crowds gasped, but the lepers leapt with jovial transformation.

            When You prayed, the gates of Heaven swung wide and welcomed in Your words.

            When You believed, there wasn’t a single person who didn’t see the fruition of Your faith.

            When You bled, a crimson current rushed to the realm of humanity and resurfaced as our saving grace.

            When You arose, Your glory shined like no eye had ever seen, no electric jolt so full of life and luster.

            When You turned to me and whispered, “My love, this is for you,” no greater joy could be found than in my blooming heart.

 

Prayer:

Lord, how You love me! How You set the heavens in their place and picked me for Your family. I am warmed by Your words, delighted by Your deeds. You came so far to set me free. Let me fall into Your love. Amen.

Hot Within Me

My heart grew hot within me,

and as I meditated, the fire burned.

-Psalm 39:3

 

I have been hiding something. A presence so consuming, so encompassing, I’ve fought time and time again to conceal it. Something I have truly been suppressing, no matter how much I've danced about it on some semblance of a floor. Truly.

Something spectacular is rising up within me.  And there is no other way about it.

There is something inside of me that cannot stay hidden, cannot stay sleeping. And I think this realization has become a break between my old, frail life since the beginning of this year and what is to come, what I am imploring to explode into the sky of my eyes.

I think that it is time. Once and for all.

God has woven words into my being, through the fabric of my soul and settled into the sea of my heart. I cannot let them bob around and slowly sink. I owe it to Him to do something with who He has made me to be. I must not be silent.

This feeling is so strong right now, I taste its ink-splashed texture in my veins. 

Which reminds me.

There is something you should know.

We are more powerful than we think. More powerful than we can imagine and fully realize.

I think God put His Spirit into us so we can take this power and wield it to what we are meant to use it for. To blaze God's name into the night, lit and lasting, in our own, beautiful, terrifying way.

I know you might be feeling a lot of nothing right now. Ashen and full of fading embers, even. But I hope that the flame inside decides to burn once more. That your heart grows hot with the sweet smoke of hope that catches fire and burns. And that you nurture and kindle it so masterfully that it cannot be contained into the corner it has found its way into. You are already rising. I feel it in my bones. And I know you can feel it, too, uncomfortable under your skin. Scratching its way to the surface.

Let it out. Who knows the heat to which it will blaze.

 

Prayer:

Lord, You have placed a specific passion and desire within me. You have created it to be of good use, to proclaim Your splendor. Though I am timid and feel unworthy of such a gift, it is mine all the same and You want me to be bold and brave and breathlessly take hold of it. Please give me strength to take up such a task, and let me lean on You to set this side of me on fire. Amen..

 

You Have Promised

Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised.

-Romans 4:20-21

 

            How can I doubt that You are watching over me, taking extra care in my discomfort and sheltering me in Your solid, stoic arms?

            Am I that consumed with myself that I see the surface and all that swims around me and think that You have left me to fend for myself, bobbing in the deep and deliriously unaware of my surroundings?

            You have provided so much for me in so many ways, so many tiny details each and every hour I cannot contain the numbers of each miniscule miracle. I play the victim in the Woe is Me one act performance, providing excuse after excuse for why I keep myself chained in confusion. Why I cannot claim to clear my conscious when deep within, I know with all certainty, that You are prodding me, chipping away at the scales that have rusted to my skin. You have my purpose resting in Your palms, and You are quietly calling me to reach to You and take what You are promising.

            I have been selfish and shallow, wallowing in self-inflicted self pity, crying out to You to help bring me from the dungeon of doubt that has locked me in. Yes, I have been tested, my walls breached. But if I would lift the shield of faith high above me, I can ward off the arrows that swiftly fly towards my soul. With Your Spirit of truth, I can trust that You are all You say You are, and that You have never left me, nor will You ever forsake me. You have Your righteous hand upon me, watching me, guiding me, and the things I think are tragic will turn to triumph for Your glory.

            How dare I delve into the abyss and think You just a figure on my shoulder, a charm around my neck. You are beyond this world, You’ve brought galaxies to life and expelled evil from Your sight. How can I forget the fire You’ve set within my heart?

            Forgive me for my frail faith, for not honoring You as I should and for my brittle belief. You are all You say You are, and only by Your power can I exist at all. Persuade me to pay closer attention to You, to pay closer attention to Your details in my day. Help me reconstruct my walls of wisdom and regain my fortress in Your foresight. Deliver me once again into Your corner. Let me remember that my battles are Yours to fight, and that You have the power to do all that You have promised with me.

 

Prayer:

Father, I have been weak in my belief and floating around my own little world of worry. Have You not provided for me all along? Haven’t You always kept me under Your wings and given me all I’ve needed, always when I need it? Please forgive me of my fickle faith, and strengthen my trust that You continue to fight my struggles for me. Amen.

Enough for You

Turn to Me and be saved, all the ends of the earth; for I am God, and there is no other.

-Isaiah 45:22

 

I wish I could be enough for you.

            I wish I could be the light that guides your face into a limitless wonder, and the gleam in your heart that pulls you towards a beautiful settling over your soul.

            I wish you’d taste the breeze that swims through the air to touch your lips, and that the connection would be delightful.

            I wish your eyes wouldn’t wander to every crooked corner, to draw closer to the sullen shadows wanting to whisper that you aren’t worth much. I wish you wouldn’t feel so alone. I wish your isolation wouldn’t drive you insane, where you begin to make up thin excuses of why you’re never smart enough, pretty enough, talented enough… just never quite enough.

I wish you wouldn’t believe all the lies. I wish that you could hear the way I talk about you, the way I look at you and see how wonderful you are. I wish you could feel the longing I have for you, and how I am not complete until I am all that you think about, breathe for, turn your troubles over to and smile at My presence. I wish you wouldn’t look anywhere else. I wish you would stay right here with Me.

I wish you could see how much you need me. And how close I am to reach.

 

Prayer:

Father, I need You. I need Your presence with an urgency I’ve never known. I want so badly to be cared for, to be enough. You promise that You can be my refuge, my Strong Tower. Please show me. Please let me see that You, and only You, are enough. Amen.

Future Hope

There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.

-Proverbs 23:18

Happy Birthday, Freddy!

 

Today is the day God brought you to life, welcomed you into this world and all of Heaven rejoiced. He crafted the chocolate hue of your hair, the deep, bright brown of your eyes and the light in your smile. He placed you in a small town full of lush green grass and trees, a family with parents who love you and dream of all you will become, and a brother and sister who make you smile. He surrounded you with the singing birds you love to draw, a happy home and lots and lots of red, your favorite color. There is no one else like you; no one else to live, love and laugh like you.

            He called you to His side, to cradle you and protect you, and to show you how deep His love extends.  He shares in your joys, in the innocent beating of your heart, and how you help at home each day and make your parents proud. You are a thousand suns in His sky, and every morning when you lift up your eyes and search the clouds for shapes of dogs and soccer balls, He stares right back at you, saying, “Good morning, my child. I am overflowing with happiness to share My day with you.”

            God loves you, Freddy. More than you will ever know. And the greatest part of His love is how generous He is. Because He has shared you with me, has brought you into my life to see the simplistic side of life and just how easy it is to admire the beauty around me. You have given me more joy than I can say, and when I receive your letters, I hold them gently in my hands like the treasures they are. With the rustle of the page, I learn more about you, the things that make you happy and the tender care with which you pray for me. Dear child, if only you knew the hopes of my heart for you, and the fervor and delight with which I also pray for you.

            For seven years you have skipped along this earth, and by your presence this world is given a tremendous gift. It humbles me to think about our souls inhabiting the same atmosphere, and it has been my absolute honor and privilege to pray for and hear about your growth and laughter for almost two years. I am thinking of you and praying for a perfect day full of faith and fun and more excitement your giant heart can hold in that tiny body.

May God richly bless you on this special day. May He watch over you and guide you, and may your face be radiant with the wonder of the world, and the pull of your precious heart reaching out inside you. I love you, and I hope you can feel my hug from thousands of miles away. I know I can, because God has linked us together, and whatever He has bonded, no man can tear apart. He has a bright and brilliant plan for you, and a hope that will never dim. I eagerly watch to see where your future stretches to, and all that God will do in, through, and with you.

Smile. Your soul rests in God’s favor and resonates through my heart.

Prayer:

Jesus, hold Freddy in Your sweet arms on his birthday. Let him know he is loved, and that he is the biggest blessing in my life. Watch over him as he grows, let him come to place his life in Your hands. Love him for me today, and let his heart be happy. Amen.

 

 

 

If you are interested in learning how to become involved in the life of a child like Freddy, please visit www.compassion.com or email me. It would make a world of a difference to that child. And to you.